Mark Brian Smallwood

My oldest brother, Mark died very suddenly during his sleep on Tuesday morning. He would have been 53 years old later this month. I have lived around death and dying all of my life; my father was a pastor in a small town and he conducted most of the funerals. I attended many of them and and sang or played the piano often. As a result of those experiences, though sad, I often remain almost unimpacted when someone dies, knowing that what's left is just the vessel that they resided within during their time here with us on Earth.

Losing Mark, my sibling is entirely different. Mark was the most generous person I have ever known, in both his resources but also in his love. Since Mark was about 10 years older than I, we weren't all that close when I was growing up...he was driving by the time I remember much at all. He went off to college and got married; we were family, but we weren't really that close until later, after living and struggling through some of the messiness of our lives.

Mark had such an infectious smile and found joy in making others laugh. The lies he has told, just to see how far he can string me or someone else along are greater than the hairs on our head. To be with Mark was certain joy and I was always so embarrassed at how verbal he was in his pride at my accomplishments. He was such a very special, loving human and I already miss him more than I can begin to comprehend.

Like I have never longed before, I long for the time when I will see him again in Heaven, and hope that the Heaven procedures are such that we can reconnect with those who have gone on before and allow our spirits to catch up with one another. We were always taught that Heaven would be a place of constant praising God...that's fine but I hope there are a few moments to commune with one another first. I hope that I have been able to convey my love and admiration for Mark in our adult friendship since he has made such a large impact on my life today. I am a better human because of his love and his fingerprints will forever be impressed upon my soul.

I love you, Mark and miss you already!